If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
