Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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