This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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