Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
