the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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