You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
