Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
