Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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