saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
