I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize