At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
