His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
