I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
