Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
