i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
