I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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