I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it was like eating out sand paper
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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