oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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