woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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