She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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