We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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