They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
