You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
