You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
