i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
