i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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