jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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