Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I cockslap morals
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think your dad took our porno
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
