Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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