i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
