I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
