just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your penis caused this!
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