dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
