UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
