Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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