Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
