im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
whose parrot is this?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
