did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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