Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
