he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
