i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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