umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
