her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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