so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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