Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
