I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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