I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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