i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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