I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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