Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
PANTIES FOUND
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