this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
