can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
