Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
