When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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